Self-acceptance and self-acceptance is the basis for a happy life.



Self-love describes the all-encompassing acceptance as well as the unrestricted love for one's own person. Self-love is NOT identical with selfishness. A lack of self-love leads to selfishness. A selfish/egoistic person seeks outside recognition, acceptance and love - he only revolves around himself. This individual can sacrifice himself for other people or extend his elbows - all just for recognition and acceptance.



Psychology comes - through the treatment of many individuals - to the conclusion that a lack of self-love forces people to look for love and recognition in the outside world: In the partner, at work, in the car, in money, etc. This behavior does not quench the inner thirst for absolute acceptance and love. For this reason, it is an urgent need to learn self-love. Thomas Aquinas expresses it as follows: “The root of all evil in the world is the lack of love for oneself.“



Furthermore, psychological research has found that self-loving people do not compare themselves with others and know their own needs. Admittedly, this is really a rarity - we are literally raised for comparison and competition. However, in these fast-moving times it is of enormous relevance to change the old conditioning from childhood. The influential psychologist from Germany named Rolf Merkle articulates this fact as follows: “Accept yourself. Then you don't have to borrow love from others.”



Self-love learning - 6 rules according to Mikhail Labkovsky



You should develop self-love and practice it every day. The learning of self-love is a continuous process and requires the readiness to change the own psyche. The psyche of a Homo Sapiens Sapiens is predominantly formed up to the sixth year - neuronal connections are established and fixed during this time. In order to modify these neuronal connections, the visible behavior must be changed. The Russian psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky summarizes the rules for restructuring of the psyche (these rules only apply to mentally healthy people, not intended to mentally ill people):


1.       Do what you want

This is about putting aside the fear of social opinion and forming one's own will. Often people do not live the life they want and are afraid of change and do things they do not want to do. This creates psychological dissatisfaction.



2.       Do nothing you don't want to do

This rule is intended to free the user from social and personal pressure. All too often we do not act of our own free will and suppress our wishes.



3.        Give your opinion only if you are asked

Through this definition, man should learn the thoughtful handling of words and judgements. Psychology has found that self-loving people are prudent with criticism and considerate in their words.



4.        Answer only the question that is asked to you

The subject is to put aside the justification, because self-loving people only justify themselves to themselves.




5.        Communicate immediately if something displeases or bothers you

This maxim is intended to set limits and avoid the accumulation of injuries. Interestingly, selfish people have many accumulated emotions that negatively influence their behavior and thinking. Remember, a happy person never does harm to another individual!



6.        Articulate only your point of view and your emotions - don't blame yourself for arguments in all kinds of relationships

This rule comes from the non-violent communication after the American Roger Rosenberg. Wikipedia writes: “And when people hear something that [. . . ] sounds like criticism, they tend to put their energy into defense or counterattack. This reduces the willingness to respond empathetically to a request.” By committing to this rule, the subject learns to cast off projection and to constructively resolve conflicts. The projection, for example, is a multiple trigger for disputes. “Projection is when we attribute to other people qualities, weaknesses or problems that we ourselves carry openly or hidden within ourselves.” (quote from www. zeitzuleben. de)




All in all: Self-acceptance and self-love are important steps towards a happy life. I myself had difficulties - at the beginning of my spiritual journey - in realizing these six rules. Over time I learned to apply these rules and have lived in peace ever since.